Top 20+ Chris Rock Funny Quotes

Rock Funny Quotes

In the year 1965, Chris Rock was born in South Carolina in the US. If we talk about the profession of Chris Rock then he is an actor, film producer, comedian, television producer, screenwriter, and also a director.

He was born in South Carolina in the United States but his complete family moved to New York when he was born. Obviously, he grows up in New York.

Basically, Chris Rock made his first film debut in the year 1987 and at that time he played the role of Playboy Mansion parking valet and the movie name is Beverly Hills Cop II.

After working in too many movies and playing different types of roles he was famous because of his stand-up comedy routines and at that time Chris Rock was voted the 5th greatest stand-up comedian in the United States.

Other than this on channel 4’s 100 Greatest Stand-Ups, he was also voted as the 9th greatest stand-up comedian in the United Kingdom in 2007.

And after that in 2010, he was again voted as the 8th greatest stand-up comedian in the United Kingdom. In most of his stand-up comedy programs, he always covers typically topics including music, family, romance, politics, race relations and also class relationships in the United States.

Now in 2021, he is one of the best and funniest stand-up comedian in the world. If you don’t know much about Chris Rock, then don’t worry in this article we are going to tell you the best Chris Rock funny quotes.

It is our guarantee that after reading all these quotes you will know much more about Chris Rock and also want to know more about his stand-up comedy shows.

So, you just have to read the complete article, all the best online quotes are given below.

Chris Rock Funny Quotes

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, know?

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Chris rock quotes man

Chris rock quotes man

Listen to people that are smarter than you.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children; I look at them like they’re crazy because ‘sacrifice ‘infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.

Read more: 30+ Best Online Funny Science Quotes That You Should Read

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Funny is only something that others know about you — you can’t be funny by yourself.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.

You are in a competition… Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.

Chris rock quotes on love

Let me preface this with the fact that I have nothing against online dating sites and apps.

Online dating is a great way for busy people with weird schedules or those who just want to meet someone new outside of their current circle to find romance with a potential husband, wife, or friend with benefits.

So, now that that’s out of the way when you’re overwhelmed with a tightly packed work schedule or don’t have many single friends to go out with, dating can be hard.

Naturally, an online dating app or website could potentially be the missing puzzle piece in your search for true love.

That said, there are some of the worst dating sites and apps.

The world is full of creeps and dishonest human beings, and using these dating sites is a surefire way to seek those people out.

And that’s not me trying to be judgy or harsh here — it’s just the cold truth.

Maybe that’s what you’re looking for, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea.

If you’re looking for a relationship that won’t end in heartbreak — or a whole lot of therapy — make sure you do everything in your power to avoid this list of the 13 worst online dating sites to ever exist.

Chris rock movie quotes

Chris rock movie quotes

I see [illegal immigration] as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.

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After I lost my dad, I realized none of us should take things too seriously, because everything works itself out. Everything. No matter what happens, or how difficult things become, eventually you will feel better.

We need to control the bullets. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars. If a bullet cost five thousand dollars, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. People would think before they killed somebody.

Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.

Somehow she did it. Little by little, with a tug here and a pull there, she brought me out of my sadness.

Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I’ll get it! I’ll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball!

Rodney: You can’t save them all, Hasselhoff.”

Chris rock marriage quotes

All good relationships are boring. The only exciting relationships are bad ones.

Those are the choices you’ve got in life, man. You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Isn’t no happiness nowhere.

A man is basically as faithful as his options.

Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just spicing up the activities. ‘Come on, tell us some of your cracky tales, please!

Don’t argue. You cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument. It’s impossible. You cannot win. Because men, we are handicapped in an argument, because we have a need to make sense. Women aren’t going to let a little thing like sense f— up their argument.

Try your best to make her happy. Try your best, but here’s one thing nobody tells you; you can’t make a woman happy. It’s impossible. I’ve never met a happy woman in my life. Women are always complaining about something.

No matter what you do, your woman is mad at you.