In today’s article, we will be collecting the best funny death quotes ever. There are thousands of websites that provide you quotes but we try to provide you the best quotes. These quotes will be interesting and easy to understand for all the readers. Here are some funny death quotes for all of you, enjoy your reading.
Funny Death Quotes
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here Tom with the weather.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Tell your friend that in his death, a part of you dies and goes with him. Wherever he goes, you also go. He will not be alone.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!
They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.
Old people always told me at weddings: “You’ll be next”. But they stopped when I started to say the same words… at funerals!
The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
It’s only a joke and the duck didn’t really die, and you conservationists are probably all pure vegetarians and don’t eat meat or anything like that and you’re worried…I hope a butterfly flies up your nose you choke to death!
Funny Death Quotes from Movies
Somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor’s working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence Headquarters. He’s going about doing his job… because he has no idea, in about an hour he’s going to die in a massive explosion. He’s just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You’ve just…
A man can be an artist in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Crease’s art is death. He’s about to paint his masterpiece.
God doesn’t punish the wicked and reward the righteous. Everyone dies. Some die because they deserve to; others die simply because they come from Minneapolis. It’s random and it’s meaningless.
I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
Those were not welcome days. We buried sons, brothers, mothers, fathers, and fiances. Clocks ticked, but time did not pass. The sun rose and the sun set, but the shadows remained. When once there was sound, now there was silence. What once was whole now was shattered.
Yes they had weapons! You think there’s a script for fighting a war without pissing somebody off? Follow the rules and nobody gets hurt? Yes, innocent people probably died. Innocent people always die but I did not exceed my orders.
Our bodies are prisons for our souls. Our skin and blood, the iron bars of confinement. But fear not. All flesh decays. Death turns all to ash. And thus, death frees every soul.
You know the most important thing your granddad ever taught me? Be ready. Hurricane, flood, whatever it ends up being. No more food gets delivered to the grocery store, gas stations dry up. People just turn on each other, and uh, all of a sudden all that stands between you and being dead is you.
No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists; he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife; he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he’ll keep coming’ back and back until one of you is dead.
As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you’re on death row. You want to run or scream or cry but something’s locking you up.
Are you guys enjoying the funny death quotes? If yes then here are some more funny death quotes which will be more enjoyable for all of you. Our provided quotes are always simple and easily understandable for youngsters as well as kids. Keep reading and enjoy our quotes and do share with your friends and family.
Funny Funeral Quotes
Funerals are the rituals we create to help us face the reality of death, to give us a way of expressing our response to that reality with other persons, and to protect us from the full impact of the meaning of death for ourselves. Some funerals fulfill these functions beautifully. Others fail.
At my aunt’s funeral, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be bound by the belief that I’m supposed to stay in anything – whether it’s a relationship, a job, a house, or a circumstance – if it makes me miserable. She gave me the courage to find my own happiness.
That’s the most terrible thing about being an author – standing there at your mother’s funeral, but you don’t switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Who was it said – one of the famous lady novelists – ‘unhappy is the family that contains an author’?
In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of entertainment.
I tell my children now that they are older, ‘If something happens to me… don’t make any big fuss over me. Don’t make any big expense on my funeral. Don’t put any pressure on the rest of the family. I’ve loved everybody, and I hope they loved me. But don’t create this big expense for the family.’
Some people don’t attend funeral not because they don’t want to but they are not emotionally strong to see anybody GO.
The rationale for tenure is still valid. But the system has turned the academy into one of the most conservative and costly institutions in the country. Yes, conservative: Economists joke that their discipline advances one funeral at a time, but many fields must wait for wholesale generational turnover before new approaches take hold.
After Jessica Mitford published ‘The American Way of Death’ in 1963, to expose the abuses in the funeral industry, a groundswell of support for government intervention followed. Under President Ronald Reagan the Funeral Rule was first enacted to protect consumers from deceptive practices, but the rule has yet to put the nail in the coffin.
Inspirational Death Quotes
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.
On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend’s life also, in our own, to the world.
The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered…We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.
You think that it’s not magic that keeps you alive? Just ‘cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn’t make it any less of a miracle. Which is just another word for magic? We’re all kept alive by magic, Skokie. My magic’s just a little different from yours that is all.
Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence, have no yesterday, and no to-morrow, forget time, to forget life, to be at peace
I am quite a wise old bird, but I am no desert hermit who can only prophesy when his guts are knotted with hunger. I am deep in the old man’s puzzle, trying to link the wisdom of the body with the wisdom of the spirit until the two are one.
If I were to believe in God enough to call him a murderer, then I might also believe enough that he, as a spirit, exists beyond death; and therefore only he could do it righteously. For the physical being kills a man and hatefully sends him away, whereas God, the spiritual being, kills a man and lovingly draws him nigh.
The true terror Jonah thought the true mystery of life was not that we are all going to die but that we were all born that we were all once little babies like this unknowing and slowly reeling in the world gathering it loop by loop like a ball of string. The true terror was that we once didn’t exist and then through no fault of our own we had to.