20+ Amazing George Lopez Funny Quotes

George Lopez Funny Quotes

Today’s article is about George Lopez who is an American comedian and actor. We will be collecting some best quotes of George Lopez and also of his show which will be very enjoyable for all of you. As you all know that we try to provide you the best quotes of all the time. Here are some funny George Lopez quotes which you will enjoy reading. if you like our quotes then share with your friends and family.

George Lopez Funny Quotes

I don’t know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short with a beginning, middle, and end. A guy standing there seems a little old – especially when you can go on the Internet and see ‘Funny or Die.’

The thing that upsets me the most is the entitlement of people that will stand with a flag and say to some other people that they need to go back to where they came from. When, in fact, they also would need to go back to where they came from, because you need to go all the way back to the beginning.

From now on, we’re home schooling you. Whatever we don’t know, you don’t know. When did the Korean War start? I don’t know, and neither do you!

You know how Mexican restaurants always have “border” in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn’t do that to black people: Kunta’s Kitchen or Shackles. They don’t do it to white people. You don’t see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel…. oh, never mind.

I have dogs in my house and much like teenagers at some point, they leave the parents. Even though they’re in the same house, they live independently. I think that’s how I live with the Chihuahuas.

By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I’ve managed to achieve my dream as a kid, and it wasn’t easy. I’m on the [Hollywood] Walk of Fame and I’m one of the 25 most influential Hispanics in America, according to Time Magazine. I think my duty is to go back and tell kids, ‘Whatever colors you are, wherever you come from, anything and everything is possible.’ And I’m living proof.

It’s not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it’s just a great time to be able to pull all that together.

The first night was awful because I was so afraid, and I was never more afraid because it was going out of my character to be outgoing and to be vulnerable and to be out there and onstage. My hands were sweaty and I couldn’t swallow, and I drank a bottle of wine to calm my nerves.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.

I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.

The jewelry stores say, ‘Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,’ while wives tell you they love you with, ‘OK, but just because it’s Valentine’s Day.’

George Lopez Show Funny Quotes

George Lopez Show Funny Quotes

No Angie, it’s instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you’re laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the Caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonnaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!

I actually graze at several of the homes while I’m playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes?

I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me.

So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother’s house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write

[To Duncan] look, where I come from, we weren’t ever allowed in the room with a girl and I’m going to tell you straight, I don’t like it. And I want you to know I’m watching you. Even when you don’t think I’m around. I’m watching you. When you’re sleeping in your little race car bed. I’m watching you. Even if you start to think, “Hey! Maybe he’s not watching me.” I’m watching you. Pop quiz, what am I doing right now, Duncan?

So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at desk writing at my grandmother’s house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write.

If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him. I know that in every fat person, there’s a skinny person inside, but you could have all the season’s contestants of America’s Next Top Model in you. I hope I get reincarnated as your feet. That way, you’d never see my face again… Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have insulted you because in my country, cows are sacred.

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What do you feed them? Losing lottery tickets? You’re never going to win the lottery! You have a better chance of getting knocked up by Ryan Sea-crest. And you have enough kids! Take your fifty dollars and buy yourself a va**na cork. I hope I get reincarnated as a condom so I never have to see your ugly-ass face again!

I am a product. . . . I’m a comedian. I’m not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it’s all about laughter. It’s all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.