75+ Funny football quotes

Football gives diversion in a wide range of ways on the pitch, and there are some entertaining stories off it also. They say football is an interesting old game, albeit once in a while those discussing the game or themselves don’t plan what they say to be amusing. In any case, throughout the long term, players, directors, observers and intellectuals have concocted some incredible amusing football quotes – some purposeful, others coincidental.

Football, a game that mercilessly tests the personalities and collections of even its most grounded players, delivers numerous examples about the significance of tirelessness, devotion and hard work. Therefore, the absolute best and most moving statements come from football psyches, players and mentors.

The following are some of the most favorite funny football  quotes, short & inspirational football quotes, funny football quotes UK, from a portion of the people known for their initiative, planning, and capacity to make progress through more than sheer ability alone.


That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post. – Michael Owen

Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds…totally against the run of play. – Peter Lorenzo

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel- Stuart Pearce

Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals- Tony Gubba

I don’t have any tattoos, but that’s mainly because none of my limbs are wide enough to support a visible image.- Peter Crouch

We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought -Bobby Robson

White liquid in a bottle has to be milk. -Rafa Benitez

Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home. -Arsène Wenger

Manchester City is built on sand and I don’t mean that because their owners are from the Arab countries. -Kevin Keegan

For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.- John Motson

Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar.- Rafa Benitez

Football is a game of skill, we kicked them a bit and they kicked us a bit.- Graham Roberts

We must have had 99 percent of the game. It was the other three percent that cost us the match- Ruud Gullitt

When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.- Lawrie McMenemy

Manchester United dropped points, Liverpool dropped points, Chelsea dropped points, Everton dropped points, so in a way we haven’t lost anything at all really, although we dropped all three.- Sir Bobby Robson

When I’ve got nothing better to do, I look down the league table so how Everton are getting along.- Bill Shankly

I tried to watch the Tottenham match on television in my hotel, but I fell asleep.- Arsene Wenger

I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week, playing some of the best football I’ve ever seen and yet they couldn’t have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets.- Ian Holloway

Sometimes you have a noisy neighbour. You cannot do anything about that. They will always be noisy. You just have to get on with your life, put your television on, and turn it up a bit louder.- Sir Alex Ferguson

I love Blackpool. We’re very similar. We both look better in the dark!- Ian Holloway

There was a time in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth.- Ian Holloway

John Hartson’s got more previous than Jack the Ripper.- Harry Redknapp

If people had seen me walking on water, you can be sure someone, somewhere would have complained ‘look at that Berti Vogts, he can’t even swim.-Berti Vogts



Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.–Lou Holtz

Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence. If you’re in control, they’re in control. –Tom Landry                                                       

You have to perform at a consistently higher level than others. That’s the mark of a true professional.–Joe Paterno

Football is like life. It requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and respect for authority –Vince Lombardi

Success isn’t measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. –Mike Ditka

Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble. –John Madden

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. –Vince Lombardi

No one ever drowned in sweat.–Lou Holtz

No matter the circumstances you may be going through, just push through it. –Ray Lewis

Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.–George S. Halas

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size in the fight of the dog.–Archie Griffin

When you’ve got something to prove, there’s nothing greater than a challenge. –Terry Bradshaw

It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.–Vince Lombardi

When you don’t give up, you cannot fail.–Adrian Peterson

I have yet to be in a game where luck was involved. –Urban Meyer

I may win and I may lose, but I will never be defeated.–Emmitt Smith

There is only one way to succeed in anything…and that is to give it everything. –Vince Lombardi

You cannot make progress with excuses.–Cam Newton

Success isn’t owned, it’s leased. And rent is due every day.–J.J. Watt

You can learn a line from a win and a book from defeat.” –Paul Brown

It’s not the will to win that matters. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters. –Paul “Bear” Bryant

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will. -Vince Lombardi

Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there.–Bo Jackson

To do things you’ve never done before, you have to do things you’ve never done before.–Sean Payton

The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.–Vince Lombardi

Remember, once you set a goal, it’s all about how hard you’re willing to work, how much you’re willing to sacrifice and how badly you truly want it.–J.J. Watt

The most valuable player is the one who makes the most players valuable.–Peyton Manning

Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.–Jerry Rice

If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven’t done anything today.–Lou Holtz

Winners never quit and quitters never win –Vince Lombardi



When you arrive in England for football it’s a paradise.- Eric Cantona

I think the best place to work in football is England. Jose Mourinho

The level of football in England is the top. English football is the leader in the world. -Pele

England really is the birthplace, the heart and soul of football. If Barcelona had Liverpool’s fans, or Arsenal’s, or United’s, we’d have won 20 Champions Leagues, hahaha!-Xavi

There are people who enjoy the life in England but don’t pay a penny in tax, whereas my footballers pay more than half their income in tax.- Gordon Taylor

There is a lot of luck in football. Following England is like following Wycombe Wanders or Leyton Orient. You hope for the best and hope you are lucky.- Alan Sugar

No matter how much money you have or what kind of cocoon you live in, the reality is that you have lost a game of football and let England’s fans down. We are bothered. – Rio Ferdinand

Nobody is that thick-skinned that it doesn’t hurt you. Still, you always know what happens in football. I have got used to criticism, I suppose, having been high profile with England and Man U.- Bryan Robson

When I retired in 2006, I stayed for a further two years in England. I stayed because I wanted to be in England without being a footballer, without the rhythm. I wanted to enjoy the city.- Dennis Bergkamp

In England, footballers are respected more, the game is more noble, there’s less cheating. Every Spaniard who goes loves it – and comes back a better player. If I had ever left, it would have been to England.- Xavi

We know, in Wales or in England – you simply can’t trust Labour on the NHS. In England, we are delivering for patients while Labour just use the NHS as a political football. We won’t let them; we’ll always fight for the NHS.- Andrew Lansley

Well, I’ve learned a lot from Bill Belichick. I’ve said time and time again, before I got to New England, I thought I knew a lot about football. But I think he taught me a lot from A to Z. I still carry it to this day.- Randy Moss

Money plays an important role in football, but it is not the dominating factor. When Chelsea play a Carling Cup game in a small city, and it could result in a draw – the excitement, the spirit, the atmosphere – that’s the real beauty of football in England.-Roman Abramovich

As England manager I always felt we needed an extra man in midfield to retain the ball, but that was more as an attacking ploy to help create opportunities. It came from my experience playing international football in a 4-4-2 and spending half my time chasing the ball.- Glenn Hoddle

I met Jack Bruce, one of my heroes, in a studio while doing some recording. England had just beat Scotland in a big football match and I saw Jack trying to break into this refrigerator in the lounge, drunk out of his brain, and I didn’t know what to say.- Andy Partridge

I live in Beverly Hills and I’m proud of it. The only things I miss are pie and mash shops and football games. I’ve lived in America longer than I lived in England. When I first got here, it just felt right to me. I like the open space, and the weather’s great.

You can also check our articles on related topic:45+ Funny Football Quotes To Make You Laugh

75+ Funny football quotes

75+Funny Girls quotes for Instagram

75+ Funny football quotes

70+ Funny Peace Quotes