Top 100+ Funniest My Cousin Vinny Quotes

You’ll laugh out loud reading these My Cousin Vinny Quotes and sayings. Some of my favorite stars from 1990s movies may be found in the 1992 American comedy My Cousin Vinny. Billy Gambini is portrayed by Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid). Billy is a college student from New York, as is his friend Stan Rothenstein. They are traveling in style to UCLA, where they were both awarded scholarships. The lads make a food break at a petrol station near Wahzoo, Alabama. They go back in their car and drive off after spending a little sum buying garbage. Pay attention because the movie begins with a few amusing My Cousin Vinny quotes.

Billy discovers that he unintentionally took a tuna can a few kilometers later. When they become aware that a police officer is standing behind them, they start joking about how crimes are handled in the South. The officer stops them, grabs his weapon, and starts yelling at the youngsters to put their hands over their heads and get out of the car. What the heck is this cop’s issue in this situation, I thought. Now, my sisters thought it was a serious offense that I hadn’t watched this movie till last night. I questioned my husband, who enjoys seeing movies, to see if this one lived up to the hype.

Best My Cousin Vinny Quotes

Best My Cousin Vinny Quotes

Vinny Gambini: Whoa. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?

Mona Lisa Vito: A burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic.

Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up. – Mona Lisa Vito

Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh. Did you say ‘yutes’?

Vinny Gambini: Yeah, two yutes.

Judge Chamberlain Haller: What is a yute?

Vinny Gambini: Oh, excuse me, your honor. Two youths.

Stan Rothenstein: No, you’re being booked for shoplifting. I’m being booked for accessory to shoplifting.

Bill Gambini: No Stan, I’m being booked for murder, you’re being booked for accessory to murder.

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Judge Chamberlain Haller: Would you please answer the counselor’s question?

Mona Lisa Vito: No, I hate him.

That is a lucid, well-thought-out, intelligent objection. – Judge Chamberlain Haller

Hey there, little Yankee wuss! Look here, I got your $200. Are you gonna kick the sh*t out of me now? – J.T.

A. Jim Trotter: Ms. Vito, what is your current profession?

Mona Lisa Vito: I’m an out-of-work hairdresser.

Famous My Cousin Vinny Quotes

Famous My Cousin Vinny Quotes

A. Jim Trotter: An out-of-work hairdresser. In what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?

Mona Lisa Vito: It doesn’t.

Take your time, pick the right words, get back to New York, and give me a call. – Vinny Gambini

Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much. You’ve been a lovely, lovely witness. – Vinny Gambini

You like to renegotiate as you go along, don’t you? Well, here’s my counter-offer. Do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever-loving sh*t out of you? – Vinny Gambini

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It’s a procedure. Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure. – Vinny Gambini

I was thinking last night. If only I knew what he knows, you know? If he’d let me look at his files, oh boy. – Vinny Gambini

What about these pants I got on? Do you think they’re okay? Ho! – Vinny Gambini

My Cousin Vinny Funny Quotes

My Cousin Vinny Funny Quotes

Judge Haller: Would you please answer the counselor’s question?

Mona Lisa Vito: No, I hate him.

Vinny: Your Honor, may I ask your permission to treat Ms. Veto as a hostile witness?

Mona Lisa Vito: You think I’m hostile now? Wait till you see me tonight.

Oh, a counteroffer. That’s what we lawyers, I’m a lawyer, call that a counteroffer. Let me see, this is a tough decision you’re giving me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. Hmm, let me think. I could use a good ass-kicking, I’ll be very honest with you. Nah, I think I’ll just go with the two hundred. — Vinny

Okay, let’s see if we agree on the terms. The choice now is: I get my ass kicked, or option B: I kick your ass and collect the $200. I’m going with option B, (takes his coat off) kicking your ass and collectin’ two-hundred dollars. — Vinny

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Judge Haller: Did you say ‘yutes’?

Vinny: Yeah, two yutes.

Judge Haller: What is a yute?

Vinny: Oh, excuse me, Your Honor, two youths.

Vinny: Nothing, you stick out like a sore thumb around here.

Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?

Vinny: I fit in better than you. At least I’m wearing cowboy boots.

Mona Lisa Vito: Oh, yeah, you blend.

My Cousin Vinny Quotes Youths

My Cousin Vinny Quotes Youths

You know, this could be a sign of things to come. You win all your cases, but with somebody else’s help. Right? You win case, after case, – and then afterward, you have to go up to somebody and you have to say- Thank you! Oh my God, what a fuckin’ nightmare! — Mona Lisa Vito

Judge Haller: Mr. Gambini, didn’t I tell you that the next time you appear in my court that you dress appropriately?

Vinny: You were serious about that?

Well, I’m not Jerry Gallo! I’m Jerry C-allo! C-A-LLO. — Vinny

Vinny: Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here at 5:00 A.M. in the morning.

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Hotel Clerk: I know. She’s supposed to come through at ten after 4:00.

My alternatives? To what, to you? I don’t know, suicide, death… — Stan

Vinny: Yeah, it’s your ass, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your fucking knees.

Stan: I’m sorry I didn’t know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.

Vinny: What the fuck is your problem? I did not come down here just to get jerked off.

Stan: No. No, no. I’m not jerking you off. I’m not doing anything.

Mona Lisa Vito Quotes]

Mona Lisa Vito Quotes

Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can’t make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the ’64 Buick Skylark!

Vinny Gambini: Is that it?

Mona Lisa Vito: Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time?

Vinny: No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn’t drip.

Mona Lisa Vito: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers.

Vinny: In that case, how can you be sure that’s accurate?

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You wanna know what I’m nervous about? I’ll tell you what I’m nervous about. I am in the dark here with all this legal crap. I have no idea what’s going on. All I know is that you’re screwing up and I can’t help. — Mona Lisa Vito

Well, I hate to bring it up because I know you’ve got enough pressure on you already. But, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is getting married. My biological clock is (stamps foot three times) ticking like this, and the way this case is going, I ain’t never getting married! — Mona Lisa Vito

I had a friend send a fax to the judge, confirming the very impressive legal stature of Jerry C-allo! — Mona Lisa Vito

Oh, Vinny! I’m watching you go down in flames, and you’re bringing me with you, and I can’t do anything about it! — Mona Lisa Vito

If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage. — Mona Lisa Vito

My Cousin Vinny Judge Quotes

My Cousin Vinny Judge Quotes

Judge Haller: Do you two know each other?

Vinny: Yeah, she’s my fiancée.

Judge Haller: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

Uh, the two what? Uh, uh, what was that word? — Judge Haller

I don’t want to hear explanations. The state of Alabama has a procedure. And that procedure is to have an arraignment. Are we clear on this? — Judge Haller

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Judge Haller: You’re a dead man.

Vinny: I’m a dead man?

Judge Haller: That’s right. I just faxed the clerk of New York and asked him what he knew about Jerry Gallo do you want to know what he replied?

My Cousin Vinny Script

My Cousin Vinny Script

Guard: Here. Got somebody for you. (Vinny slips the guard a ‘tip’, and enters the cell)

Vinny: You must be Stan, how ya doin’?

Stan: Why’d they bring you in here?

Vinny: Well, I just got in. I asked where the new guys were, and they brought me here. Hey, sleeping’, huh? Cute little guy. Ya know, maybe I should start with you. Let him sleep a little bit.

Stan: I don’t wanna do this.

Vinny: Hey, I don’t blame ya. If I was in your situation, I’d wanna get through this whole thing as quickly, and with as little pain as possible. So, ya know, let’s try our best to make this a simple, in-and-out procedure. (Reassuring Stan that he’s not there to hurt him in any way; has him sit down) What’s the matter? Hey, relax, relax. Ya know, maybe we should spend a couple of minutes together. Ya know, to get acquainted before we uh, ya know, before we get to it. What’s wrong with you?

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Stan: I don’t wanna do this.

Vinny: I understand, but ya know, what are your alternatives?

Stan: My alternatives? To what, to you? I don’t know, suicide, death…

Vinny: Look, it’s either me or them. You’re gettin’ f*cked one way or the other. (Stan tries to get up, but Vinny stops him) Hey, lighten up. Don’t worry, I’m gonna help you.

Stan: (somewhat sarcastically) Gee, thanks.

My Cousin Vinny Quotes You Blend

My Cousin Vinny Quotes You Blend

Stan: You think I should be grateful?

Vinny: Yeah, I mean it’s your *ss, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your f*ckin’ knees!

Stan: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.

Vinny: Hey, I’m doin’ a favor here, ya know. You’re gettin’ me for nothin’, you little f*ck.

Stan: Boy, that’s one hell of an ego you got.

Vinny: What the f*ck is your problem? I did not come down here just to get jerked off.

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Stan: No. No, no. I’m not jerking you off. I’m not doing anything.

Vinny: That’s it. You’re on your own. I’m just takin’ care of Sleepin’ Beauty.[Wakes up Bill, who gets startled]

Bill: Hey, back off! Vin! Vinny!

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