These Seinfeld quotes give suggestions on how to date, enjoy a getaway, and even change your eating habits! Enjoy these quotes when you exit the stinky automobile!
One of the greatest comedies of all time is Seinfeld. Not only did it introduce us to four of the most outrageous characters ever created (hi Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer!), but it also featured them. Yet, it is also the source of some of the most famous quotations that are still in use today, such as “sponge-worthy,” “Yada, Yada Yada,” or “no soup for you!” The lines by George Costanza alone are deserving of particular recognition for how many there were in a program that was intended to be about nothing but was instead loaded with many that had cultural significance.
Seinfeld is regarded as a classic for a reason. Years later, people still remember its hilarious one-liners, gags, and comebacks because it was more than just a program; it was comedy art. To demonstrate how incredible this sitcom was, we’ve collected a number of its lines. These famous and humorous comments from Seinfeld will have you “busting” like George.
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.
Oh, I gotta get on that internet, I’m late on everything!
Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
He’s nice, a bit of a close talker.
She had man hands.
I’m a fancy boy.
You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I’m on to something.
I’m on no sleep, no sleep!
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Looking at cleavage is like looking into the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
What’s the deal with lampshades? I mean if it’s a lamp, why do you want shade?
People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.
What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.
Seinfeld Quotes Kramer
I’m out there Jerry and I’m lovin’ every minute of it.
Kramer: You wouldn’t last a day in the army!
Jerry: Well how long did you last?
Kramer: Well, that’s classified.
What have you done to my little cable boy?
Yes, freckles’ ugly cousin.
Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream.
Jerry: He’s from Jersey!
Kramer: Yes and now he’s a full-fledged American.
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Jerry: Kramer, he’s just a dentist.
Kramer: Yeah, and you’re an anti-dentite.
Giddy-up
Those are my everyday balloons.
Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?
Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.
Yama Hama, it’s fright night!
Seinfeld Quotes for Instagram Captions
A bra is for ladies. I’m talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men. — Kramer
I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note — it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up. — George
Hey George, what do you like better? The ‘bro’ or the ‘mansiere’? — Frank Costanza
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? — Jerry
I’d rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good-looking blind woman doesn’t even know you’re not good enough for her. — George
What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they’re clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can’t count to 10. So don’t give me hygiene. — Elaine
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She dumped me! She rolled right over me! Said I was a hipster doofus. Am I a hipster doofus? — Kramer
Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first one to get a tour of the ship? — George
People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals. — Jerry
Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad? — George
Human, it’s human to be moved by a fragrance. — Kramer
Yada yada yada. — Elaine
You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. — George
George, we’ve had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits. — Frank Costanza
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry
I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine
Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters. — Jerry
Have you ever dreamed of 3D? It’s like the bogeyman is coming RIGHT AT YOU. — Kramer
I’ve never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting. — George
Maybe the dingo ate your baby! — Elaine
Seinfeld Quotes about Love
I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son – Jerry Seinfeld
The irresolute man flecks from one egg to another so hatches nothing. – Owen Feltham
I love being a dad. I just love it. – Jerry Seinfeld
You look at shows like The Simpsons or Larry Sanders or Curb Your Enthusiasm or Seinfeld, they’re really sophisticated shows that we all love back home. – Simon Pegg
I love Amazon 1-Click ordering. Because if it takes two clicks, I don’t even want it anymore. – Jerry Seinfeld
I am sorry for people who can’t write letters. But I suspect also that you and I … love to write them because it’s kind of like working without really doing it. – Elizabeth Bishop
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done. – Jerry Seinfeld
And I’ll tell ya, I’m really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It’s wonderful! Plus, I love saying ‘my wife.’ Once I started saying it, I couldn’t stop – ‘my wife’ this, ‘my wife’ that … it’s an amazing way to begin a sentence. – Jerry Seinfeld
I love advertising because I love lying. – Jerry Seinfeld
You want to do good things, and once you’ve done a couple of good things in a row, you think ‘Well gee, let’s not mess this up.’ But I am lucky at this point that I have something I really love to do, and it completely holds my attention. I never feel frustrated by it. – Jerry Seinfeld
I’m a big believer that a great bit is a great bit – if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they’re beautiful things when they’re done. – Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as love for the whole family. – Jerry Seinfeld
My favorite movie is ‘The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.’ – Jason Momoa
I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn’t love them. – Jerry Seinfeld
If you have too many problems, maybe you should get out of business. There is no law that says a company must last forever. – Peter Drucker
Magazines are another medium I love because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space? – Jerry Seinfeld
It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. – Jerry Seinfeld
As Christians, we’re under oath all the time. We’re not always required to say everything we think or know, but we’re always to speak as He did-truthfully. – David Jeremiah
Helen Seinfeld Quotes
Helen Seinfeld: I hope you packed enough. This trial could last for weeks.
Morty Seinfeld: What’s all that?
Helen Seinfeld: Cereal.
Morty Seinfeld: You’re packing cereal?
Helen Seinfeld: I’m bringing it for Jerry.
Morty Seinfeld: You got enough here for a life sentence.
Helen Seinfeld: He likes it. He says he misses that more than anything.
Morty Seinfeld: So bring a snack pack.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, let’s go, it’s time to eat. We’re going to dinner
Jerry: Dinner? W- What time is it?
Helen Seinfeld: It’s 4:30.
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Jerry: 4:30? Who eats dinner at 4:30?
Morty Seinfeld: By the time we sit down, it’ll be a quarter to five.
Jerry: I don’t understand why we have to eat now.
Helen Seinfeld: We gotta catch the early bird. It’s only between 4:30 and 6:00.
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad, and a baked potato, for $4.95. Do you know what that cost you after 6?
Jerry: Can’t we eat at a decent hour? I’ll treat, okay?
Helen Seinfeld: You’re not buying us dinner.
Jerry: I’m not force-feeding myself a steak at 4:30 to save a couple of bucks, I’ll tell you that!
Helen Seinfeld: All right, we’ll wait. But it’s unheard of.
Seinfeld Quotes as Pick-Up Lines
People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public. — Jerry
Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship. — George
Do you know the message you’re sending out to the world with sweatpants? You’re telling the world: ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’ — Jerry
Three squares? You can’t spare three squares? — Elaine
I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off that I never thought of taking mine off. — George
How long does it take to find a bra? What’s going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I’m back in two seconds… you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups. — Frank Costanza
Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle? — Jerry
I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody. — Elaine
Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world. — Kramer
I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note — it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up. — George
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That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. — Jerry
Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish? — George
I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge-worthy. — Elaine
Did he stop short? That’s my move. I’m gonna kill him! — Frank Costanza
A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant. — George
Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure… my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face. — Kramer
I don’t even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It’s much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans, and garbage men. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean. — Jerry
The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli… — George
It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, and it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops. — Elaine
Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? — Jerry
