Browse through our collection of Major Payne quotes, which we have gathered from a variety of online sources if you’re searching for some inspiration. A 1995 great film, Major Payne, directed by Nick Castle, starred Damon Wayans, Karyn Parsons, Steven Martini, and Michael Ironside.  It teaches current service personnel, military members, and society at large some extraordinary life lessons. You’ll be able to sense the story’s tension and comedy by reading this collection. Go to your preferred location and get ready to learn!

You may increase your self-assurance, tolerance for the inconvenience, and sense of discipline by studying these statements by Major Payne.

Famous Major Payne Quotes

Now you might feel a little pressure. – Major Payne

Got no worries, got no stress. – Major Payne

I never said the family doesn’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah? – Major Payne

Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice! – Cadet Kevin Dunn

One! Don’t you feel dumb? Two! Look at you. Three! Don’t you ever make jokes about me behind my back, or else I’ll stomp you into the ground. – Major Payne

Maybe, what he needs is for you to pop your titty out his mouth, and let the boy grow up. – Major Payne

Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby. – Major Payne

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Boy, I am two seconds from being on you, like white on rice in a glass of milk, on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst. – Major Payne

From my heart left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife. – Major Payne

General, are you telling me that nowhere in the military is there any longer a job for trained human weapons of destruction such as myself? Surely there must be somebody left who needs some killing, or some killing done for them. – Major Payne

I don’t like it. It makes me feel all funny. – Major Payne

Major Payne Quotes Finger

I’m just a bald-headed son of a bitch without hair. – Major Payne

Major Payne’s a major pimp. – Major Payne

He’s trying to show you some affection. – Emily Walburn

He is there? If he’s still in there, he ain’t happy! – Major Payne

Sorry, Major. There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all. – General Decker

You’d better give up, señor. You cannot kill us all! – Drug Lord

A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart. – Major Payne

Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind off that arm? – Major Payne

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He makes us squat when we piss. – Major Payne

Let me tell you something ass-eyes. Let me tell you all something. War has made me very paranoid! And when you get to eye-balling me, makes my Agent Orange act up, makes me want to kill! – Major Payne

I didn’t stutter, I said pop-your-titty-out-his-mouth and stop babying him. – Major Payne

You’re still a shit sandwich. You’re just not a soggy one. From this moment, you are no longer turds. You have graduated to maggots! – Major Payne

You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground! – Major Payne

Who’s the person that got me this blood on this lip? Who’s responsible? Don’t all run at once. Maybe no one’s responsible. I just had it comin’! – Major Payne

Major Payne Quotes Little Engine That Could

It’s civilian life, Sir. I had a minor setback. – Major Payne

Here, I got something for you. – Major Payne

Got to earn my right to be called a man. – Major Payne

They may not like me, but they will respect me. – Major Payne

I want you to read this book. Read it. Apply it. – Emily Walburn

Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald? – Emily Walburn

Most blood is now shed in the halls of Congress, Payne. Guys like us are becoming dinosaurs. – General Decker

He’s a little upset about this morning. Apparently, he had a little accident. – Emily Walburn

Do you really think this is the best way to gain the respect and admiration of these young men? – Emily Walburn

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I’m surprised, you ain’t dropped ’bout 12 puppies by now. Ain’t you never been married? – Major Payne

Their pantyhose is falling down. – Student

My finger, my finger! – Marine Private

What’s your damage, muscle head? Are you stupid? Are you ignorant or are you just plain old deaf? – Major Payne

You eye me one more time, I’ll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat’s cookie bag! – Major Payne

What the hell was that you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie? – Major Payne

Major Payne Quotes Killing Is My Business

Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother! – Major Payne

Then you hold it before I kick your ass back to Mayberry. – Major Payne

That’s not enough. Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up. – Lieutenant

‘Slippery,’ he says. Do you think Charlie cares anything about slippery? The only thing he knows is to slit your throat. What if this were a life-or-death situation? – Major Payne

Any man that’d leave you outta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed back to his mother. – Major Payne

What are you laughing at, pig-boy? Do you find a piece of candy in your pocket? What’s your name, son? – Major Payne

You’re in charge of the green boys. – Phillips

Be advised, ladies. We are going to win the Virginia Military Games this year! You will note my emphasis on the word WIN: Whisky! India! November! Get used to the sound of that word! – Major Payne

Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, and boys like us are becoming dinosaurs. – Major Payne

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General, are you telling me that in this man’s military, is there no room for a trained weapon of destruction? – Major Payne

Got no worries, got no care. – Major Payne

Come on, he can’t do this, leave him alone. I can barely do it. It’s slippery here. – Cadet Alex Stone

Major Payne, what are you doing here? I was told you were away on an important assignment. – Colonel Braggart

Lieutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance. – Colonel Braggart

Major Payne Sympathy Quote

This is unsatisfactory. I demand the entire Madison Squad be disqualified from the final competition. – Colonel Stone

Major Payne’s a major diss. – Major Payne

Because we feel good in a dress. – Major Payne

The ABC’s of being a positive male role model? – Major Payne

Payne’s not here, he’s in our ass! – Cadet Williams

Break it on down! Break it on down! – Cadet Williams

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Butt’s so tight, he can’t pass gas! – Cadet Williams

Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum. What beanstalk do you fall from? – Major Payne

Let’s go, let’s go, giddyup, let’s ride! – Cadet Dotson

One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby! – Major Payne

Ain’t no need for name-calling! – Major Payne

Because you are the one with the biggest tits! – Cadet Alex Stone

Major Payne I Can’t Feel My Legs Quote

Major Payne’s a major diss. – Major Payne

Because we feel good in a dress. – Major Payne

The ABC’s of being a positive male role model? – Major Payne

Payne’s not here, he’s in our ass! – Cadet Williams

Break it on down! Break it on down! – Cadet Williams

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Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum. What beanstalk do you fall from? – Major Payne

Let’s go, let’s go, giddyup, let’s ride! – Cadet Dotson

One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby! – Major Payne

Ain’t no need for name-calling! – Major Payne

The green boys, wear those green things. Do you know what’s funny? When they stand in front of the bushes, I can’t see them! – Dr. Phillips

Major! What are the boys doing in those dresses? – Emily Walburn